Forgiven
by profiler120
Summary: Tragedy strikes along a stretch of road - two lives altered. Time can heal wounds and mend hearts - but it also ferments vivid memories, entrenching them so deeply one can never get away. [AU][SessKag]Complete
1. Part I

Forgiven 

Part I

* * *

Author: profiler120

Email: profiler120@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13 (This is an automatic rating; I use it as a default.) 

Genre: Romance/General/Angst 

Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome 

Current status: 2 chapters (as of now, complete)

Author's Notes: You're going to ask about a sequel - I know you will. It's just inevitable. The answer is simple; I haven't decided yet. ^_^ 

  
Summary: Tragedy strikes along a stretch of road - two lives altered. Time can heal wounds and mend hearts - but it also ferments vivid memories, entrenching them so deeply one can never get away. 

* * *

_Dear Diary, _

It's been almost ten years now. Ten long years, amazing how my memory won't let go of me. My life has been a torrent of things, activities, friendships, and people. Listen to me ramble on as though I'm dying or something... 

I'm just being a silly woman now, aren't I? 

I'm thinking about him again. I think about him every time I go there, to that great, looming hospital. It almost breaks my heart over and over again, but I've long since stopped crying. At least, on the outside. 

Ah, wait there's a knock at the door, I better go for today. 

"Kagome!" There came an impertinent shout from outside. The woman smiled weakly.

Every day he came. Every day. She walked slowly to the door and slid it open. Sure enough, there he stood. 

"What took so long!? Even an old bat like you should answer the door faster than that," he chided. 

She smiled. "Hi, Inuyasha. Where's Kikyo?" 

"Keh! Home, she thinks she might be pregnant." 

"Oh! Congratulations!" She immediately leapt on him, pinning him in a hug.

"Okay, okay, don't get all mushy. Anyway, this is for you from her. She says it's good for your health or something, I forget." 

He handed over a covered dish and she took it gratefully.

"Come in, come in. Let's not loiter in the doorway." 

She led him in, although he knew the way by now. 

Masaharu Inuyasha was her neighbor. He and his wife Kikyo lived at the beachfront house next to hers. She'd met them, oh, maybe eight years ago. Inuyasha had, at first, been single. He'd, to her astonishment, tried to get her to go out with him many times, but she'd always refused. She couldn't date anymore. No matter what Inuyasha said about her being beautiful, it wasn't true. It just wasn't.

He'd met Kikyo a couple years later and she and the woman had become friends. They weren't great friends, not confidants, but they were casual around each other. Despite liking her, Kagome was never comfortable around the older woman and would never call her if she needed help. Even though Kikyo assured her it was okay to do so.

Besides, it didn't matter, she was okay by herself. Alone in her beach house with only her cat Buyo to keep her company and nursing a ten year old heartbreak. Sure, she was wonderful. 

He plopped down onto a sofa and stared wistfully out her window. 

"Everything okay, Inuyasha?" 

"No." He replied, his tone grim. "You remember when we first met, right? All those years ago - that day when Miroku told you my name and you freaked out on me?" 

She smiled fondly at the memory. "Yeah, I remember."

"Because you know my brother, right? Sesshoumaru."

Her smile vanished. "I used to. I haven't seen him in a very long time."

"Yeah... well... he's coming." 

She sat up straighter. "What?"

"My brother is coming. To visit. Me."

She sat silently, mouth agape.

"Yeah, I was stunned too. Some lame idea of my father's. Anyway, he's coming in two days. I don't even know how my father got him to stay at the house with Kikyo and me. Probably threatened him with something. I just thought you'd like to know."

"I see." She stood. "Would you like a drink, Inuyasha?" 

"I want to make sure you're okay. Go home for the week, visit your family. I'll even take you there, but don't stay." 

She cast him a weak smile. "I can't do that. My family is away for the month, remember, and besides I don't want to go. This is my house; I won't let Sesshoumaru chase me away because of something that happened a long time ago." 

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it'll be all right." She managed to smile even though she knew it was going to be an awful week. Maybe she could just keep her doors locked; windows covered and pretend no one was home. Yet that wouldn't be possible either, Inuyasha and Kikyo came to see her just about everyday. Well, Inuyasha came everyday, Kikyo was more infrequent with her visits. 

They settled into more comfortable conversation, mostly about what he was doing. After the typical half hour he stood to go and she smiled, waving him off. She remained at the door way long after he'd gone just staring out over the ocean. A storm was coming and for once she was glad. Usually they scared her, the wild, powerful gales off the ocean. They were cold and intimidating, but today she looked forward to it. She needed something else on her mind besides the fact the man she'd been hurting over the last ten years was going to be right next door for an entire week.

* * *

Sesshoumaru frowned irritably. His father was meddling in his life again, something he absolutely hated. This time he was being bothered about not spending enough time with his brother. As if he wanted to spend time with his lousy brother and that Kagome rip-off he'd married. He'd kept an eye on them. Kagome that is, he'd kept an eye on her since all those years ago. 

Perhaps his actions were unforgivable, he wasn't certain. He intended to find out just how forgiving she could be when he visited next week. He'd been astonished to learn she was living beside his brother. He'd been stunned again when his brother met and married Yamada Kikyo, almost a duplicate in appearance to Higurashi Kagome. 

He hadn't seen her, face to face, in so long. Not since the evening of the accident. Before then he'd always had fond memories of the snow, now it only brought him painful remembrances and guilt. The snow was always a favorite of Kagome's; he wondered if it still was.

A multitude of women had come and gone from his life since her, but no one had entered hers. She had been alone, without anyone, since it had happened. As though his guilt wasn't great enough.

The door behind him clicked open and he turned to see his father step in, a folder in his hands.

"I believe this is yours. You shouldn't leave such things lying around." 

Sesshoumaru glanced at the folder his father dropped on the desk, momentarily flipping open the cover to see the contents. Had he been a man of lesser stature, he might have paled.

Instead, he glanced up just in time to see his father at the doorway, frowning at him. 

"I wondered why it was you gave into seeing Inuyasha so easily."

Sesshoumaru unaccommodatingly said nothing in reply.

"Get over it," his father chastised. "Or if she means that much drag yourself back and ask her to forgive you. Kagome was always a nice girl." 

"It's been ten years. She could be a bitter and resentful woman by now."

"Obviously you don't think so otherwise you wouldn't be so willing to go back."

Not willing to discuss it, Sesshoumaru did not make a reply and his father took the hint and left.

The folder was an ongoing collection of data he'd kept on her. What she was doing, who she knew, where she went, things like that. He'd had an investigator following her for years. It cost him a fortune, but he wouldn't let her go and he wouldn't go back. 

That pup of a brother of his visited her daily. He would without a doubt tell her he was coming. Whether or not she skipped town might be a good indicator of how she would receive him. He stepped forward, closing the folder and depositing it in his briefcase. He had to get home; he was leaving tomorrow for his brother's by air. He was going to stay at a hotel in town until he was set to 'stay' with his brother. He rued the day.

He clasped it closed and walked out, waving off his secretary for the night as the office closed down. He paused briefly as he stepped outside glancing up. It looked like it might snow. 

* * *

Kagome frowned, staring out the window. The storm wasn't quite what she expected. She had thought of rain and billowing winds but... this was snow. She wound her way to the kitchen, peering out over the sink window stopping cold when her eyes landed on a figure there. In the driveway near the side of the house a figure stood. She could never mistake _that _tall, male figure for anyone else.

He was standing, bags at his feet near Kikyo's car. His eyes were directed toward her house steadily and she crept back from the window, off to one side, hiding in the darkness. She hoped he couldn't see her.

Why was he staring over here like that? Did he know? No, that was the last thing she needed. He leaned down picking up the one suitcase and the other, which she now realized, was a briefcase and started walking toward the side door. She watched him walk up the stairs and knock. Moments later the door opened and Kikyo seemed to say something. He made some kind of reply and stepped past her closing the door and blocking Kagome's view. So that was it. 

Masaharu Sesshoumaru was right next-door. The only man she'd loved her entire life was right over there. She tried to forget. To busy herself in her living room putting together a 3-D puzzle of a train station she'd gotten from her brother, but her mind wandered. Sesshoumaru was so close. She wanted to run. She wanted to cry all over again. How could she be feeling this way again? She promised herself she wouldn't. 

She ran her sensitive fingertips over the uneven, damaged skin, almost cringing at the feel. Some days she just couldn't get used to it and some days it was like she'd always been this way. She remembered it all too well. The skid, the impact, the fire, the coma, the hospital, and the abandonment. Maybe the latter more than the others. 

She'd told herself she couldn't blame him, over and again, for leaving her. She was permanently disfigured and Sesshoumaru was a beautiful man, he couldn't be seen with her. No one would want to. She'd swallowed that bitter pill many times. 

She turned making her way to the bathroom and stared up into her reflection and her hand pressed against the right side of her face covering the pink, scarred tissue and the long vertical scar. They weren't the worst of her injuries, but the burn marks and scars hadn't faded. 

She stepped away from the bathroom mirror and headed back toward the living room closing the blinds as she did so. She switched on her table lamp settling down on the floor with her puzzle once again fumbling distractedly with the foam pieces. Putting puzzles together was something she was neither good at or enjoyed, but it had been a gift from her brother. She had never put a 3-D puzzle together before and was curious how it would look. 

It was difficult though. She'd lost sight in her right eye ten years ago in the accident. Not only was she maimed for life she was also partially blind as well. 

She sighed, dropping her head onto the table despairingly. She hated living alone, but she couldn't bear to have a house mate either. She'd tried and found she couldn't handle the stress of someone staring at her all the time, even if they didn't mean to, they did. She sighed again; picking herself up she began scooping all her unused pieces back into the box. Maybe tomorrow she'd have more luck with the puzzle. She stood, wandering into the kitchen and grabbing a pot. 

Soup was nice. It was snowing out and she loved soup, especially on cold days. Chicken soup, her favorite black and red plaid blanket, and a romance novel - oh she was a sucker for a good romance novel. Not the tacky romance books with the half naked women on the covers, but the true love stories. They truly touched her heart, temporarily filling a void in her life she couldn't get past. 

She smiled to herself as she ransacked her pantry searching for some soup only to discover - she was out. She scowled heading to the freezer, she'd just have to make some. She'd frozen some chicken broth not too long ago. She dug out the clear plastic and popped it in the microwave for a minute, nuking it just long enough so the block of broth slid out into the pan. She turned on the heat and hummed as she collected more ingredients for her soup.

A half hour later she was parked on her couch with a large smile, her soup resting on the arm of the couch, the steam warming her face. She'd left it in the pot, too lazy to dirty another dish that she'd have to wash, so she'd just grabbed a spoon. She sipped her soup contentedly staring out the front window. Her front window was her favorite - she loved to sit and stare out it for hours. It faced directly over the ocean. 

Once the soup pot was empty she carted it back to the kitchen and curled up with her blanket reaching for her book again. She had two entire rooms just full of books. She didn't go out very much and bought a lot of books off the Internet; once she read them she categorized them. 'Good books' and books that 'weren't so good'. 

She'd already read this one, but it was one of her favorites. It was a historical romance set in old Europe somewhere about a woman being the governess of her employer's dead brother's children. It was a nice story, she loved it. She'd just ordered some new books last week but they hadn't arrived yet and she expected the snow would slow their delivery, but there was nothing she could do about that. She often got on the Internet to read, but didn't spend too much time online, the screen hurt her eyes if she sat for long periods of time. 

So here she sat, staring out the window wondering what *he* was doing. Did he know she was here? Would he come to see her? Would he avoid her? 

Would he ever leave her head? Would she ever let him? 

* * *

Sesshoumaru barely kept from scowling. He hadn't come to his brother's wedding, so he'd never met this woman, Kikyo, before. He'd not come partially because he could care less his brother had taken a wife and partially because he knew Kagome had been in attendance and he didn't want to see her. Not face to face like that in front of a crowd. If they were going to meet it would be by his choosing and alone. Just them.

He didn't regret the choice though, not going to the wedding. He didn't like this woman. There was an underlining arrogance to everything she did, something Kagome had never had. Maybe that's why he immediately disliked her; she looked too much like Kagome. Her bitter attitude cast badly on Kagome simply by their being so close in appearance. 

Dinner was quick, quiet affair. After which he'd claimed to be tired and been shown to a small guest room. He frowned at the accommodations, but his brother had little money. This house had been given to him by their father to keep him from making trouble in the city, and primarily, to get him out of the way. It was small, but it did Inuyasha a lot of good. He'd settled down a lot here although he suspected Kagome had much to do with Inuyasha's change of attitude.

He walked to the window and stared out. He was lucky to have a view of her house, he would have thought his brother would try to keep him from seeing her but he was beginning to think Inuyasha didn't realize exactly whom Kagome was.

He and Kagome had been very seriously involved once, but Inuyasha had never met her to his knowledge during that period. He wasn't sure if his brother even knew her name, his father had known however. 

He stared down at the house noting all the shades were drawn except the one in the kitchen. His gaze sharpened when he noticed a figure moving around in the dim kitchen, he wondered if she was cooking.

He smiled. When he'd discovered Kagome had an interest in the place he'd done everything he could to get it. He'd spent a fortune buying that property and took a huge loss by arranging it to be sold to her, but it was what she wanted. He owed her, at the very least, some comfort. His father had been very supportive of the decision and accepted the loss of capital.

Tomorrow he would go see her. Tomorrow he determined, wondering why he suddenly had an ache for sake. Was he actually nervous? He bit his own lip irritably. Damn. 

* * *

Kagome rose early as she typically did and dressed. With a yawn and a stretch she gathered her things and headed outside for her morning walk. It was still snowing. She loved the snow. The snow had caused this - made her life such a quiet, desperate thing, but she still loved it. She'd long accepted this was her fate; it was just a little hard sometimes. 

She stepped out onto the sand pulling her jacket tighter around her. That was another thing she loved at the beach, it was always colder there than farther inland. She enjoyed the cold. Sometimes she stayed out until she was numb. Inuyasha had found her that way, once or twice. She worried him a lot, especially since she knew he cared about her. She was lucky to have him. 

She didn't walk far, not willing or interested in venturing away from the house. Not with the chance she'd run into Sesshoumaru. He was really quite slick. She turned to enter the house, stopping when she noticed a small package on her doorstep. It hadn't been there before... 

She looked around. Who had -? 

Seeing no one, she picked up the parcel and examined it. The only thing on the small white label was her name. "Higurashi Kagome." 

She stepped inside, moving to the counter to slice open the cardboard package. It looked like someone might have wanted to mail it and changed their mind considering the address label held nothing but her name. Inside, past the annoying packaging, was a book. A poetry book, she corrected. She blinked. She had never really liked poetry. 

She flipped open the cover, almost missing the sliver of paper that fanned out, dancing it's way to the floor. She set the book aside picking up the delicate sheet. It was stationary, not of the sort used by manufacturers or by an invoice department. It looked like personal stationary. There was a string of green ivy across the top of the page but the letterhead was missing.

_"I once thought 'condemnation' and 'forgiveness' were nothing more than words." _

That was it. The page said nothing else. She frowned. Was this ... from Sesshoumaru? She suddenly had an urge to run to the corner and catch the first bus to the train station and spend the next two weeks at home. 

Forgiveness? Holding the slip of paper she walked to the window, pulling on the shade and allowing it to snap up. Forgiveness? She peered out toward Inuyasha's. Did he want to be forgiven? She caught movement suddenly above and noticed a figure staring down at her and she uneasily stared back. That was him. He was staring right at her. Was this paper from him? Did he want her to forgive him? 

She turned away sadly stepping away from the window. 

Forgive him for what? She wondered. For leaving her at the hospital? That had hurt, but she understood. There was no need to forgive him for that; she was torturing herself over it now. It was long over, she couldn't hold him to blame anymore for that, only herself. 

Was... was he still hurting over that incident too? 

It seemed too much to hope. Even if he was, he'd never want her now. No one would ever want her again. She tucked the paper inside the book and retreated to the bath. She suddenly had the urge to sink very low in a cold bath.

There was the knock, several hours later. She stepped out of her kitchen making her way to the door expecting Inuyasha. He did not disappoint, but his face was drawn.

"You look stressed." She couldn't help the laugh. Inuyasha ... stressed? The man didn't work for a living he just hung out, occasionally attempting to paint something. She smiled.

"Keh! If Sesshoumaru was your brother, you'd be stressed." He grinned inviting himself in, but he was welcome to. She followed him inside watching as he plopped down casually. "So, Kagome. Tell me about how you know my brother." 

Her head snapped up. "What?"

"We were never close; Sesshoumaru and me, but I know him a little. I know when something's bothering him a lot because he acts different subtly. He's been staring over here a lot, so I asked him. He said nothing. Then I asked about you and he told me to 'mind my own damn business'. So I thought I'd ask you." 

She smiled weakly. "You want to know how I know Sesshoumaru?" She whispered. "I love him." 

She didn't realize she hadn't used the past tense of the word 'love' although she had meant to. 

"Love him?" Inuyasha sputtered, suddenly sitting forward. 

"I met him at college. I had wanted to open a restaurant once, but decided that wasn't for me and transferred to another college. I met your brother on campus while I pursued a teaching career. I remember he was the most arrogant guy I'd ever met. We didn't get along well at first really. He didn't so much as glance in my direction twice and I wanted to avoid him because he made me uneasy... well, circumstances were against us. 

"We were accidentally locked in the classroom one night and had to deal with each other. It was a holiday; we were lucky one of the staff dropped by the next morning since we were in an upstairs room. We were rescued, but we didn't fall madly in love or anything. He 'tolerated' me and I discovered he wasn't such a jerk after all, but a really lonely guy. So I pursued him, and just generally did everything in my power to annoy him. I won him over eventually and he cracked a bit, softening little by little. Don't tell him I said that though. 

"I was in the library one day - returning some romance novel I'd picked up. I've always loved them. Sesshoumaru came around a corner, plucking the book from my hands. He made some off comment about women who read romance novels and I got, predictably, offended over the remark. He just grinned at me, looming over me like he always did and make another remark about 'unrealistic fantasies' or something. I opened my mouth to reply - and he kissed me. It was the happiest moment of my life, being kissed right there in the middle of the library. After that, we were sort of an item I guess. 

"Sesshoumaru was going on a weekend trip and asked me to go. I said yes, I was all excited. On the way there though, it started snowing and conditions only got worse the farther we traveled-"

"The car wreck? Y-You mean you're the woman from the car wreck in the mountains?! No freaking way!" He exclaimed.

Kagome nodded. "I am." 

Inuyasha swallowed hard. "Wow... that explains a thing or two. I always wondered why they made such a fuss over it, no offense. I didn't realize that you and he were... together. He never said anything to me about it." 

"I'm not surprised." 

"If he finds out I told you he'll kick my ass but, well he'll _try_ to kick my ass," he corrected smugly. "He keeps your picture." 

"Huh?" 

"I saw it yesterday. He left his briefcase on the counter when he went to his room and so I popped it open and looked through his stuff." 

"Inuyasha!" She scolded. "You shouldn't do that!" 

"Keh! He's my brother besides he's done it to me anyway. I heard him coming before I could do anything but flip open a folder on top of his stuff and there was your picture."

She couldn't think of a reply.

"Do you still love him?" Inuyasha's question was sedate and hesitant.

"It's been ten years Inuyasha. I haven't allowed any man except you to get close to me in all that time so... yes. I think I still love him, clinging to the only memory of a love I have while being afraid to welcome anyone new." 

He seemed to frown at her response. 

"I'm sorry; I see that doesn't make you very happy. Don't worry about Sesshoumaru. I doubt I'll see him." 

She didn't mention the book or the paper slip. He stayed with her just short of a half hour bantering on with their usual liveliness but there was a cloud of tension in the air. She waved him off as he left, once again noting a figure at the window, but she turned away. Was he going to spy on her the entire week he was staying? 

* * *

Author's Notes: Hey! I'm alive! 

No updates - just this new piece. Don't worry though about waiting weeks for updates on this one though, it's finished. It's a one-shot carefully cut into two pieces. I'll post the second part next week after editing. Plus, I have an exam on Monday so time is short for me lately.

Prisoner, My Prisoner is more than half done, but I have to go back and add scenes I left out and I'm not looking forward to it so I've sort of been avoiding it.

I haven't even looked at Blind Stitch My Heart in weeks. I have no idea what I'm doing with that. I'm seriously thinking about axing the last five chapters and completely removing Naraku. I don't know why I made it so complicated on myself. 

Corrections, suggestions, ideas, questions, comments - feel free to voice your mind in a review. All comments welcome, *but*, unfounded and unhelpful criticism ignored, and people shouting about how S/K is impossible and other offensive remarks are denied acknowledgement. Catch you later. 


	2. Part II

Forgiven 

Part II: Final

* * *

Author: profiler120

Email: profiler120@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13 (This is an automatic rating, I use it as a default.) 

Genre: Romance/General/Angst 

Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome 

Current status: 2 chapters (as of now, complete)

Author's Notes: You're going to ask about a sequel - I know you will. It's just inevitable. The answer is simple; I haven't decided yet. ^_^   


Summary: Tragedy strikes along a stretch of road - two lives altered. Time can heal wounds and mend hearts - but it also ferments vivid memories, entrenching them so deeply one can never get away. 

* * *

She didn't go out much. Somehow he'd always hoped the reports about her staying in were exaggerated. Kagome was a woman that thrived with people, she _had _been at least. Now she stayed in, alone. Kagome was never meant to be alone. He stepped away slightly, turning when he heard movement and saw Kikyo moving around behind him searching the closet for something. 

She turned to him, a tint of a glare on her features. "Another of her admirers?" 

Her voice was clearly bitter. Was she jealous? How amusing. She realized then she was a replacement for Kagome. Even more amusing.

"We're familiar with one another." He replied primly watching her reaction. "You're not a fan of hers then?" 

She waved a hand at him absently, _dismissively_. "Really, could anyone dislike someone with a disposition like hers?" 

He turned away, mouth quirking up into a smirk. 

"And here I thought you were bitter that Inuyasha was still chasing after her even though she rebuffed him." 

He could feel the scowl she shot at him without seeing it.

"I know that Inuyasha is in love with her, but I also know that Kagome doesn't return his feelings. Inuyasha is mine, Kagome is no threat to me." 

"That's right, she's not." He turned to her, setting aside the mug with the golden tea still steaming a bit. "Because she's mine." 

He turned to leave the room but she stopped him with her voice. "Where are you going?" 

He considered briefly telling her to mind her own business but decided to answer. He felt burdened. "She's been waiting for me." 

He started off once more, and no more questions followed. He stepped out, passing over his coat and stepping into the cold. He deserved to be cold, he thought as he walked across the sand. Inuyasha was still stalking his way over. They met almost halfway between the two houses. 

Inuyasha glowered at him. "Where are you going?" 

Sesshoumaru merely stared down at him, biting back a sarcastic remark. He looked up, she was standing there watching them at the glass panel door. 

"Leave her alone," Inuyasha growled.

"Life is not making the same mistake twice." 

"She's not the same! She's not the same woman you dated all those years ago. You can't just walk over there and expect her to be." 

'Dated'? Sesshoumaru thought. Of course not, Kagome had never been a mere girlfriend. He'd loved her. He truly had. Before her, he'd had no one. His family did not count, they did not care for him. His insipid brother and absentee father, and a mother who had left them years ago. He'd been alone, bitter and rightly so. 

Before her he'd never been stuck in a classroom with anyone. He'd never had to field off so many attempts _just _to be friendly, but she'd been persistent and he'd gradually allowed her closer. _Very _gradually. How long had he known her before he'd finally snapped all those last second doubts in the library when he found her with that ridiculous romance novel?

It must have been a year at least, before he'd acted on all the little emotions that had been awakened and stitched together. She'd done a lot of work on him that year, probably without even realizing it. To his knowledge Kagome had never set out to change a person before. She'd just wanted to be friends. She'd confided once, or shouted at him because he'd pushed her away again, she worried about him. Worried because he looked lonely. 

That had been the afternoon before the library incident. She'd avoided him until he'd caught her at the library the next day. Then it had all just crumbled. He'd given in and kissed her. Nothing could've prepared him for her easy acceptance of him and her ardent response to his touch. He remembered every aspect of that day at the library. It hadn't been their only kiss, but it was the one he couldn't forget. 

Even now - ten years later her memory haunted him. He wouldn't let her go. He wasn't about to be dissuaded by his brother who had no idea how much of his life was invested in the woman watching them from the window. The younger brother who had been kindly rejected by the woman that he, Sesshoumaru, still very much loved. 

"Do you love her?" Inuyasha was clearly hesitant to ask.

"Do you love Kikyo, or is she a mere replacement for Kagome? That's what she thinks, you know."

Inuyasha gasped, eyes turning toward his house. Kikyo was not at the window like Kagome was. Sesshoumaru started walking, successfully avoiding Inuyasha's question about loving Kagome. He would not accept such questions from him. He had no right to ask them, and no right to an answer. 

The few remaining feet passed quickly with his long strides. He reached, trailing a hand up the white painted wood railing ascending the meager set of three stairs. She remained at the door, just watching him. Her eyes were the same as he remembered them. Those expressive blue orbs. He approached the door slowly, feet making hollow sounds over the wood plank deck as he moved toward where she stood.

She had shifted so she was shadowed, and he could no longer see her eyes. 

He stepped up to the door, raising a hand and wrapping his knuckles against the glass. He wouldn't invade her space. Not Kagome's. 

He saw her hand reach out, eyes tracing over those slender fingers. She motioned, curling her fingers up, indicating he could come inside. He released the pent up breath. She was letting him in. He reached for the gleaming silver handle and slid open the door, a light fragrant scent assaulting his nose. 

Kagome's perfume. He was surprised to see she still used the same one after all this time. He stepped in, relieved the cold wind was no longer battering his frame. He slid the door closed behind him with a small rustle and click. 

"Hello," her voice was soft, as beautiful as he remembered. 

He nodded, for the moment unable or unwilling to speak. 

"It's very cold out there, you shouldn't have gone out without a coat," she admonished. "Come on in, I'll make you some tea to warm you up, okay?" 

She turned, her black hair flowing behind her. It was short, shorter than he remembered. It fell just below her shoulders. He followed silently noting how she kept her distance. 

Ten years was a long time. That much time could cause feelings to fade, or it could cause them to root deeply. So deeply one could never extricate themselves from the tangled web. 

He knew the layout of this house, having inspected it thoroughly before arranging for Kagome to get a hold of it. It was in well kept order, no leaky roof, windows were in good conditions, walls were intact, it was a nice house. He moved to the kitchen window, his back to her as she moved around behind him heating the water in her teapot. He guessed she had been drinking some earlier and hadn't used all her water. 

Through the window you could see Inuyasha's residence. He wondered, briefly, how Inuyasha was making up to Kikyo and if he should avoid the place a while. He didn't want to interrupt anything 'intimate'. Not that he cared about interrupting, he didn't want to leave here with disturbing images in his head. He stood there for several minutes just enjoying the peaceful quiet of the place and Kagome's presence surrounding him. He didn't know what she was doing behind him, he almost didn't want to see her discomfort.

"Sesshoumaru?" 

He blinked, turning back. She'd called him by his first name, that was another good point. He'd been worried she would revert to 'Masaharu' or something. Good, that was good. 

"Your tea." 

She was probably smiling at him but he couldn't see with her once again standing in a shadowed area. His brother's words came back to him. _' She's not the same woman you dated all those years ago._' 

No, she wasn't the same. She was very much trying to avoid him seeing her, and contact with her. Although he was pleased that she at least sat down at the table with him, albeit on the opposite end putting as much space as possible between them.

"How have you been?" 

Expected politeness. 

"Fine. You?" He replied, surprising himself with his effort at conversation.

"Me? Oh I couldn't be happier, it's snowing out!" she exclaimed, looking toward the window. 

"You still enjoy the snow?" 

She nodded. "Of course."

They lapsed into silence, just staring or sipping at their tea. Kagome however was never one for idle silences and spoke up. "What about you? What brings you here, Sesshoumaru? I was surprised when Inuyasha told me you were coming to visit him." 

He faltered on his answer.

She continued without one. "I was thinking maybe your father told you to spend more family time with him. More of that brotherly bonding stuff."

She was right of course. Her memory surprised him. She still remembered his father? 

"Basically." 

She nodded. "I'm not surprised. How do you like it? Staying with Inuyasha and Kikyo? Are they good hosts?" 

"Well enough." 

"What about Kikyo? Nice lady, a bit stiff, but pleasant generally." 

Kagome didn't like her, he realized. Kagome, who liked everyone, didn't care much for Kikyo. 

"You don't like her?" He couldn't help asking.

"I don't 'not' like her, she's just... difficult to get along with. She doesn't speak very much and sometimes I think she's a bit resentful we look so much alike. I can't help it, I don't know what she wants me to do about it. I was here first." 

He was going to reply when she stood. 

"Oh! Let's switch rooms, okay? It's snowing out again and I like to sit in front of my favorite windows and watch. " 

He stood accordingly and followed her out. She left her tea, apparently not interested in drinking it and moved out into the other room. He sat at the other end of the couch, giving her her space. She stared out the window brightly, her left side to him. He wanted her close, he wanted her to cry and lean against him and let him hold her. He wanted her to forgive him for ruining her life. 

He was staring, it was rude, he did it anyway. The window held nothing of interest to him, he was here for her. She turned to him after a pause, curiously. 

"What?" 

The space between them was suddenly too great. He moved forward across the couch noting how she tensed, one hand gripping the arm of the couch. 

"Sess-" 

He reached out, placing a finger against her lips. She tensed further as though to move away but he moved even closer, trapping her against her corner of the couch.

"Sesshoumaru, you shouldn't-"

He slid the last pace closer that he could get, leaning close to her, turning her head to the side nuzzling against her neck. He turned sliding his lips up against her burn damaged skin and she hissed. 

"Don't!" Her voice was full of panic and her body was stiff as a tree against him. He drew away a bit, worried at her fear.

"Does it hurt?" 

"No." 

He scoffed. "All you've done is hide, cower like some weakling afraid of everyone. I despise weakness, I won't have it." 

She just increased her struggle to get away. "I don't care what you think." 

"Do not forget, _woman_, whom you speak to." He snapped shortly, tightening his grip upon her when something caught his eye on the table behind him. He loosed his grip, dropping one hand entirely to reach for a small, white book. There were other books around but this one had a sensuous couple on the front. He was of the impression she didn't read these books anymore.

"Romance novel?" 

Not any romance novel but a tawdry book about sex. He almost grinned, well that was a surprise. His mind wandered again toward that evening car trip that had caused this fiasco. That would have been their first weekend together. He'd wanted everything to go well, for it to be memorable for Kagome. It should've been perfect the time alone, the mountain hideaway, the natural hot springs - the perfect place to become lovers. But on the way there it had started snowing and they'd encountered another car on the way to the mountainous retreat. A car with no headlights apparently experiencing trouble and they'd veered off road. Everything from that point was a disaster. Kagome had been very badly hurt, but he'd come out of it with minor cuts and scratches. 

It wasn't really his fault - but he'd left her at the hospital. He'd gone and never went back. She'd woken up without him and wondered and never saw him again. He'd left her at the worst possible time. He hadn't left her because he'd fallen out of love, or because her injuries horrified him. He'd left because he'd felt guilty. He'd left because he couldn't stand the glances in his direction that were accusatory. Kagome was loved by so many, he was not. He was not well liked among those who loved her. He did care what others thought of him, not until he became convinced Kagome would blame him.

It had been a bad night, that night. When he'd seen Kagome's brother, Souta. The words of the younger man had been spoken in anger, but he'd been distraught then, trying to hold it all in, trying to cope, trying to think. He didn't realize in his daze Kagome would never blame him for the incident, so he'd allowed his pride to take hold and he'd walked away, salvaging as much dignity as he could. He'd left and it was the worst mistake of his life. 

He wondered if Souta felt guilty now. For playing a part in making his sister miserable for the past ten years because Sesshoumaru damn well wished he did. 

"You still read these books, unrealistic and ridiculous that they are?" 

She huffed. "A girl has to live on something." 

He dropped the book back onto the table. "Reality has so much more to offer." 

He dropped the tone of his voice intentionally, to a low and sultry sound. It had the desired effect. Whatever comfort she derived from the few minutes of silence was abruptly lost. 

"Not anymore." 

Inuyasha had been right on that one point, he begrudgingly admitted. Kagome was _very _insecure. He reached, snaking his fingers through her hair at the back of her head, tightening his grip but not painfully, fingers against her scalp. He leaned forward again, nuzzling against her, breathing in her scent. He looked up as he raised his head slightly, gaze turning to the window. His eyes narrowed slightly as he saw his brother at the window across the way, watching them. 

He smirked arrogantly, 'let him watch', he thought. 'Maybe he'll learn something'. His thoughts abruptly turned when she released a slow, low moan of his name. He nearly groaned at the sound. 'Oh damn', he thought. How many times had he wanted to hear that?

Everything told him to press forward. Kiss her, touch her, anything, but he couldn't. Not until he had her word. Not until there was something other than a moment of unrealized passion between them. He dropped his head down, his lips resting against her neck, turning so his head rested lightly upon her shoulder. 

Just as he was about to raise his voice to speak the phone rang. He allowed her to draw away, suddenly realizing he'd wanted the separation. He wasn't ready for this. He heard her murmuring something to someone but wasn't interested enough to listen. Rather his thoughts were engaging him quite thoroughly, calling him a coward. 

Moments later she was free again, turning her attention to him. 

"Not that I'm displeased at seeing you, but why are you here? With me, I mean." 

"I am indulging a curiosity." He replied and immediately regretted the choice of words when he watched her tense where she stood. She seemed to move, to draw back away from him, but he called for her. Halting her feet.

"Kagome. Come here." 

It was nothing short of an order. One to be complied with. He half expected her to react as she once had and refuse to give into his wishes. To rebel against him, but he was disappointed. She came. 

She reminded him vaguely of a scolded puppy sidling up to its master before it was to be punished. 

"You shouldn't be here. I can't imagine why you are but -"

He held up a hand, silencing her. 

"Sesshoumaru." He met her eyes squarely. "Just go home." 

"Home?" The voice sounded hollow and seemed to reverberate in his head in a dull echoing fashion. He stood, towering over her slight frame. "I have no home, woman." 

She shook her head absently. "Just leave."

He just barely bit back a snarl, snagging her elbow and hauling her to him. She gasped, startled or frightened, losing her footing. He stepped back falling onto the couch neatly, but Kagome tumbled haphazardly onto him. She tried to right herself, to move away, but could not as he moved his hands to her hips, trapping her.

Her breath was short and labored. "Let go."

"No."

He leaned forward, brushing his nose gently against hers staring into her wide eyes.

"Sesshoumaru..." There was a definite note of pleading to her tone. 

"Stop being so troublesome. Let me see you."

"I don't want you to see me," she replied obstinately.

"Cease your idiotic chatter. I want to see. I have a right to know what it is I'm responsible for." 

Her movement caught him off guard, as did her strength and sudden quickness. Her palm impacted with his cheek and he flinched. It stung sharply. 

"Really, I should have guessed." Her voice suddenly sounded distant and distinctly frigid. "Let go of me." 

He silently refused, still smarting from being slapped, and partly from the fact it hurt more than he was going to let on. Not even to mention it was a serious blow to his pride.

"I never would've imagined the great Sesshoumaru felt guilty. I thought you were beyond such pitiable emotions'?" 

She stared at him, and he quietly stared back, not answering, not doing anything. Something in the depths of his eyes was disturbing her. When she gasped, he realized she'd discovered whatever it was she'd sought.

"Y-You" 

"I what?" He asked, finally settling back into his own persona allowing his surprise to slide away. 

"You thought about me all this time?" The cool tone to her voice had abruptly melted and now she sounded vulnerable and small. 

What did that mean? Of course he'd thought about her, that's why he was here in the first place. 

Silence stretched between them leaving them at an awkward pause.

"Obviously," he replied at length.

She hung her head. "You didn't need to." 

She didn't have to say it either. Sesshoumaru never did anything that Sesshoumaru didn't want to.

He _wanted _to think about her. He _wanted _to visit her. He _wanted _her to forgive him.

"You needn't have thought about it. It wasn't your fault, there's nothing anyone could've done." 

He was forgiven, then? 

"Did you send me the book?" 

His eyes meeting hers was her only answer. After several minutes of terse silence he deemed her a reply.

"I had not intended at the time to come meet with you." 

"If you came here for my forgiveness - you've got it. I never blamed you for what happened to me, Sesshoumaru. But I'm not the same person I was then, no more than you are the one you once were. We're different people now - different lives - different everything."

This was all too true.

What had he expected in coming here?

She had forgiven him. So now what? 

He didn't know. There was nothing. No relief, no lightness - no feeling at all he could attribute to her words. Why didn't he feel anything? 

He turned his gaze away as he stood.

He would leave then. That was it.

"It was nice to see you," her voice revealed nothing of her feelings. 

She didn't face him and he didn't look back as he walked to the door. 

It was better this way. It really was. 

He stepped out into the cold wind. What was the point? 

What did he want this for?

He didn't feel any better.

The wind pounded his frame and he repressed a shudder. Would it be so easy to let a ten year obsession slide away? Would the file he'd been collecting on her all this time go to the trash? Would he cease his constant vigil over her life? 

He walked up the wood stairs and pulled open the door of his brother's house.

It wouldn't do any good at all, he thought grimly.

This trip accomplished nothing. 

It _**meant **_nothing.

He stepped inside and pulled the door closed and then turned to face the window staring across the sandy beach. If her forgiveness hadn't been what he craved all this time... 

What was it? 

* * *

Author's Note: It ends rather vaguely, rather abruptly, with no ultimate conclusion. That's because I'm thinking about continuing it.

*Thinking* - just thinking, at this point. I've been so caught up with shoujo manga's lately I haven't written anything at all. I haven't even watched my new Inuyasha DVD and it's been a couple months sitting on the shelf. That's gotta be bad. 

Thank you for reading, comments, corrections, etc are welcome - drop them in a review. If you would like to be notified via email when I update - check my profile. I have a list. 

Oh - If you are a "Blind Stitch My Heart" fan - know this: I am revising. Not a little bit either - *major revision*. Soon chapters 6-11 will be deleted as I am completely rewriting them. So everything after chapter 5 - forget it happened. Okay? ^_^ 


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